I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
