She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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