I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
