I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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