so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize