You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
