i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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