He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
