hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
