Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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