Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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