ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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