I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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