It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
