He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
