I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
