i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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