I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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