I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
