Only a mothe r could love this liver
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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