the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
