Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
