There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
