What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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