You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
