Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
