Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize