you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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