I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
