I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
