Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize