Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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