How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
