If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
