no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
