Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
