remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
