Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
