remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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