At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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