Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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