i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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