Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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