..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
