Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize