i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Randomize
