I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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