Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
