And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
