Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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