i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
