Can i not drive my cunt home
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
