theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
you never un-have a 4some
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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