shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
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