I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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