i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
