The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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