Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
