That's intense
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
