Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
