Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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