My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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