i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
