What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
