how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize