don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
