Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
