Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I am never drinking with the goths again.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
