he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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