If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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