and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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