Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
