When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
