I love black thongs
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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