I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
