dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
