im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Naked Twister starts at high noon
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
