i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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